I love the smell of rain

The second Gothic Times issue is finally out for all of campus to read. I feel much better since last post about my ego being shut down. But of course, I now have a medical problem. I have a kidney stone... it's been in my body since last Thursday. I decided to name it Oliver Stone - thanx to my brother, Jack. It's rainy here and it's th e first time I have been in my room, with my window wide open, and enjoyed the rain. I love the smell of rain. The noise calms me and I feel chipper.

My adviser/professor told me I should take a break from the office for the rest of the week and I am doing just that. I am going home tonight and I will be coming back Monday night. I can breathe a little easy now that I know the paper is done. I can actually catch up on my homework for all my classes.

I nearly broke down in class Tuesday night which I had with my professor/adviser! I just sat there and cried. Talk about embarrassing! Not only did I feel like hiding under a rock, I felt as though I showed the adviser I cant handle all the pressure and its not even October yet! I need some type of "me" release.

Before I forget to email my professors back I shall go on and do that!... along with my homework.

Stop Bullying

TaDa!

Due to my new found courage (again, thanks to Kat Von D), I decided to re pierce my tongue.

This was before the swelling, of course.
This was done by my friend Sydney. You can contact her on her Facebook. She works in a shop in Jersey City, I don't have the name of the shop, but I will post it later today. She was quick and smooth, frankly, I didn't even feel it! So, thanks, Sydney! You're awesome!

It's 9:45am and I totally skipped class like a bad noodle. I really didn't want to but I was not prepared. I don't have the books, I didn't do the reading, and I remembered he was going to quiz us on the reading. On top of that, I can barely speak. I would have been a ball of useless. So, rather than have my professor, who holds the key of my graduation dreams (along with my other 4 professors this semester), think I am a slacker, I rather him think I had a cold! I will be prepared for next class though! I will have done the reading, I'll give him a ring and ask what we have to hand in and I'll be ready for any exam! This is the only class I have missed this semester which is an improvement form previous semesters.

I'm so hungry right now but the hole through my tongue and restraining me from eating D: SAD DAY!!

courtesy of icanhascheezburger.com

I'm going to run off and finish up my article for the newspaper and chow down on some delicious ice chips.
-_-

You ROQ, Kat Von D!

I sat on my bed last night and drowned my sorrows in red velvet cake and suffered a terrible bellyache right after. I showered and wiped off the day's disappointment off and tried to sleep. I couldn't. I wasn't too sure if it was because of how I felt, the bellyache, or the fact that I saw something crawl behind my bed (ps. i havent found it yet). Regardless, I went to sleep finally about 3 in the morning. I got some reading done for my class tonight so I was productive.

This morning I woke up and I did not want to go to work today. I didn't feel like going to the office or dealing with anyone so I just stayed in and watched L.A. Ink. I started to watch the first season and watching someone who is cool, calm, collective, and just so rad be so nervous about owning her own shop really made me feel so much better. She called herself a push over, but I think she is far from it. What really pulled me out of my slump was the simple fact she's such a strong woman and she felt the way I feel now, like she finally grew up. She didn't know being a boss would be this much work and she was still learning and that is how I feel about being EIC. It was actually really inspiring... great timing. I never felt crappy and then the next day watch/read something that really related to me in every aspect. I got work done and even gave out two article for NOVEMBER'S issue! I wish there was a way I could let her know how she made me feel and how happy I am now all because of her.

courtesy of bejus-celebs.buzznet.com

You rock, Kat!

I spoke too soon

I'm beginning to think my professor made a mistake by assigning me as EIC. I'm also beginning to lose any confidence - what I had left anyway - I had to take charge. There is one girl I refuse to give any big stories to because she didn't even know who our Vice President of our country. People call her an airhead because she doesn't show any interest in anything but fashion. I don't think I am far from that either, now. Fashion isn't my forte either, I always thought it was writing. Lord know I can't mix and match. That's not the point - the point is: maybe I am just another air head holding a facade. What caused this emotion to rise up? Tonight's class... or rather, the people in it: last year's EIC.

Last year EIC consisted of two men. They are worldly, highly intelligent, super into politics and pretty much everything else. I looked up to them and even, intimidated by them. I always wanted to be up to their level and by this age, I thought I could have been. My knowledge about the world has not changed and I feel like I have failed and wasted all this money on school for nothing. I still feel like a little girl wearing big shoes that don't fit and a dress way too long for me. I'm trying to be an adult that I cannot seem to get in touch with. This is the second time I have class this month and I dread it now. This is supposed to be my favorite and most challenging class because it's pretty much a big review of everything I have learned thus far and put it to work. Basically, everything I have studied and worked for needs to show in this class by December. I dread this class because I feel like I will be a failure to the newspaper because I am not as smart as they are, I don't watch/read the news as much as I should, I enjoy watching the Jersey Shore, I allow my managing editor to come up with news while I just "OK" everything. I feel like I should be the one saying, "how about this for a feature story," "how about this for news," "hey, did you hear what the governor signed off on." Every time he gets into a deep convo or debate, I have to sit it out because I'm that idiot girl who doesn't know what is going on in the world, despite everything my super awesome professor has taught me. 

courtesy of icanhascheezburger.com

That is as pathetic I can make myself seem right now. I hate hugs, but right now, one would actually help. What kept me from telling Chance what was wrong with me was the fact I was holding back from bursting into tears. The moment I would have told him what was wrong I wouldn't have been able to stop crying. If anyone knows me, they know I hate to show emotion in public, even if it is one person. I just feel like a loser and I don't know how to not feel like this. I try not to care about what people think of me, but I think my managing editor feels like I am useless and he should have been editor because he comes up with most stories and I just assign dates and 'yes/no' ideas and people. I wish they would just tell me what I am doing wrong so I can fix it or try harder. At this point my only accomplishment was making the newspaper available, not only on the first week, but the first day of class. Other than that, I don't feel special or powerful or anything. Hopefully I can get out of this slump soon... I hate this feeling.

blah!

D,:

"BRAVERY! i has it"

It's the second week of class and I have yet to do all of my homework. Thankfully, I only have "face-to-face" classes Tuesday and Wednesday nights and one morning class on Thursdays. The other two are online, which makes it easier. Things at work have been going smoothly. As EIC I feel as though I should be writing more articles than just my Ally (Sex/Relationship Column), but I'm terrified I am going to screw up my classes. As much as I love the paper, I really would love to have my diploma come February and be done by December.

I made a list of what exactly I want to do once I am done this year:
Graduate
Get a job by Plainsboro, NJ
Move out with my brother
Drive, Drive, DRIVE

It would be great if I could move out with my brother but that does throw a wrench in my relationship with Chance. I wouldn't mind moving out with Chance but he is younger than me, only a Sophomore, and receives help from the Government to pay for school all of which requires him to stay at home. He already knows I want to be out the house already. I am getting that "itch" to leave the nest and be on my own. I'm turning 25 in January and I want to feel accomplished by having a job and being on my own - living with my brother I guess doesn't qualify me as "being on my own," but its close! Most people don't want to ever leave the nest, but not me! I know it will take a lot for me to make money and struggle on my own to afford my expenses, however, I try to do that now because I hate taking money from my parents. Once I started working I stopped asking for my parents for money unless I really needed it. I usually needed it when I had to travel to school during summer, even then, I tried to use my savings.

I think I have it in me to face the challenges.


courtesy of icanhascheezburger.com

Yeah, I totally have it.

:3

We lost you too soon.

I cannot find a way to post the newspaper on this thing! I promise it is very well written. However, I will post an important article on this.
http://www.gothictimes.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Sept-6-2011-Gothic-Times.pdf

For those who do not know this, Antonio Anazco was a childhood friend of mine. My brother teaches Taekwondo down in Princeton, NJ but he began in D.K Park Taekwondo in Jersey City, NJ. Antonio joined when he was nine years old and I met him when we were both 11 through my brother. Since then my brother and his close black belt friends always hung out for years. Antonio was the youngest of the group. He celebrated my birthdays many times and we were close. I referred to Antonio as my cousin since we were so close and we were both the same nationality.

My brother called me at 9:35am on Saturday and told me Antonio had died and I didn't believe him until I heard his voice crack. I ran upstairs and collapsed when I told my mom what had happened. At that moment my parents were fighting which meant the silent treatment but my mom walked me downstairs and spoke to my dad. She told him I wasn't well and he had to come in from the backyard. Once I calmed down I called Gina, my best friend, who also knew Antonio. It was one of the worst days of my life.

We went to his aunt's house to comfort and see Lupe - his mother. Antonio was Lupe's only child and they lived together. I couldn't take looking at her. She was just terribly and so heart broken. No break up could ever compare to a mother losing her child before his/her time. She just kept saying, "my son is dead," and it just killed me. After everything was said and done (wake and funeral) I looked up the story and found so many wrong articles. I took it upon myself to use my writing skills and EIC position and write the real story. His father approved of it and his mother liked it. I posted it on facebook and many of his friends and family enjoyed reading the real story. I think about him all the time and still keep his picture on my desktop:

That is my favorite picture of him. He will continued to be missed and we all will continue to speak to him through facebook.... I really miss him.

RIP

<3

Its published!

When people think of the first day of school they think professors, books, classrooms and friends. I thought all of that including distributing my Gothic Times newspaper! Its finally published!
I will attach the PDF form through here later so it can be visible to see!
Go me! :)

http://www.gothictimes.net/