I spoke too soon

I'm beginning to think my professor made a mistake by assigning me as EIC. I'm also beginning to lose any confidence - what I had left anyway - I had to take charge. There is one girl I refuse to give any big stories to because she didn't even know who our Vice President of our country. People call her an airhead because she doesn't show any interest in anything but fashion. I don't think I am far from that either, now. Fashion isn't my forte either, I always thought it was writing. Lord know I can't mix and match. That's not the point - the point is: maybe I am just another air head holding a facade. What caused this emotion to rise up? Tonight's class... or rather, the people in it: last year's EIC.

Last year EIC consisted of two men. They are worldly, highly intelligent, super into politics and pretty much everything else. I looked up to them and even, intimidated by them. I always wanted to be up to their level and by this age, I thought I could have been. My knowledge about the world has not changed and I feel like I have failed and wasted all this money on school for nothing. I still feel like a little girl wearing big shoes that don't fit and a dress way too long for me. I'm trying to be an adult that I cannot seem to get in touch with. This is the second time I have class this month and I dread it now. This is supposed to be my favorite and most challenging class because it's pretty much a big review of everything I have learned thus far and put it to work. Basically, everything I have studied and worked for needs to show in this class by December. I dread this class because I feel like I will be a failure to the newspaper because I am not as smart as they are, I don't watch/read the news as much as I should, I enjoy watching the Jersey Shore, I allow my managing editor to come up with news while I just "OK" everything. I feel like I should be the one saying, "how about this for a feature story," "how about this for news," "hey, did you hear what the governor signed off on." Every time he gets into a deep convo or debate, I have to sit it out because I'm that idiot girl who doesn't know what is going on in the world, despite everything my super awesome professor has taught me. 

courtesy of icanhascheezburger.com

That is as pathetic I can make myself seem right now. I hate hugs, but right now, one would actually help. What kept me from telling Chance what was wrong with me was the fact I was holding back from bursting into tears. The moment I would have told him what was wrong I wouldn't have been able to stop crying. If anyone knows me, they know I hate to show emotion in public, even if it is one person. I just feel like a loser and I don't know how to not feel like this. I try not to care about what people think of me, but I think my managing editor feels like I am useless and he should have been editor because he comes up with most stories and I just assign dates and 'yes/no' ideas and people. I wish they would just tell me what I am doing wrong so I can fix it or try harder. At this point my only accomplishment was making the newspaper available, not only on the first week, but the first day of class. Other than that, I don't feel special or powerful or anything. Hopefully I can get out of this slump soon... I hate this feeling.

blah!

D,:

"BRAVERY! i has it"

It's the second week of class and I have yet to do all of my homework. Thankfully, I only have "face-to-face" classes Tuesday and Wednesday nights and one morning class on Thursdays. The other two are online, which makes it easier. Things at work have been going smoothly. As EIC I feel as though I should be writing more articles than just my Ally (Sex/Relationship Column), but I'm terrified I am going to screw up my classes. As much as I love the paper, I really would love to have my diploma come February and be done by December.

I made a list of what exactly I want to do once I am done this year:
Graduate
Get a job by Plainsboro, NJ
Move out with my brother
Drive, Drive, DRIVE

It would be great if I could move out with my brother but that does throw a wrench in my relationship with Chance. I wouldn't mind moving out with Chance but he is younger than me, only a Sophomore, and receives help from the Government to pay for school all of which requires him to stay at home. He already knows I want to be out the house already. I am getting that "itch" to leave the nest and be on my own. I'm turning 25 in January and I want to feel accomplished by having a job and being on my own - living with my brother I guess doesn't qualify me as "being on my own," but its close! Most people don't want to ever leave the nest, but not me! I know it will take a lot for me to make money and struggle on my own to afford my expenses, however, I try to do that now because I hate taking money from my parents. Once I started working I stopped asking for my parents for money unless I really needed it. I usually needed it when I had to travel to school during summer, even then, I tried to use my savings.

I think I have it in me to face the challenges.


courtesy of icanhascheezburger.com

Yeah, I totally have it.

:3

We lost you too soon.

I cannot find a way to post the newspaper on this thing! I promise it is very well written. However, I will post an important article on this.
http://www.gothictimes.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Sept-6-2011-Gothic-Times.pdf

For those who do not know this, Antonio Anazco was a childhood friend of mine. My brother teaches Taekwondo down in Princeton, NJ but he began in D.K Park Taekwondo in Jersey City, NJ. Antonio joined when he was nine years old and I met him when we were both 11 through my brother. Since then my brother and his close black belt friends always hung out for years. Antonio was the youngest of the group. He celebrated my birthdays many times and we were close. I referred to Antonio as my cousin since we were so close and we were both the same nationality.

My brother called me at 9:35am on Saturday and told me Antonio had died and I didn't believe him until I heard his voice crack. I ran upstairs and collapsed when I told my mom what had happened. At that moment my parents were fighting which meant the silent treatment but my mom walked me downstairs and spoke to my dad. She told him I wasn't well and he had to come in from the backyard. Once I calmed down I called Gina, my best friend, who also knew Antonio. It was one of the worst days of my life.

We went to his aunt's house to comfort and see Lupe - his mother. Antonio was Lupe's only child and they lived together. I couldn't take looking at her. She was just terribly and so heart broken. No break up could ever compare to a mother losing her child before his/her time. She just kept saying, "my son is dead," and it just killed me. After everything was said and done (wake and funeral) I looked up the story and found so many wrong articles. I took it upon myself to use my writing skills and EIC position and write the real story. His father approved of it and his mother liked it. I posted it on facebook and many of his friends and family enjoyed reading the real story. I think about him all the time and still keep his picture on my desktop:

That is my favorite picture of him. He will continued to be missed and we all will continue to speak to him through facebook.... I really miss him.

RIP

<3

Its published!

When people think of the first day of school they think professors, books, classrooms and friends. I thought all of that including distributing my Gothic Times newspaper! Its finally published!
I will attach the PDF form through here later so it can be visible to see!
Go me! :)

http://www.gothictimes.net/

So much water!

What's up, Irene? What had got your panties in a bunch?! The East Coast did not appreciate your b#$%@ fest you brought last weekend!

Living in the East Coast we are prepared to deal with skin cutting cold and scorching weather; we are not prepared for hurricanes (or earthquakes). I live in front of a park:

This is what my park looked like after the hurricane:

This is my house:

The flooding had just missed me by one house. Sadly, I cannot say the rest of the street to the left was lucky:

My best friend lives around the corner from me, I could have either swam or taken a rowboat to her house. She was fine, no flooding for her. The people down this street were devastated. My family friend lives down the street closer to the park, left side and she said she was evacuated because her house is prone to floods. Not only did her basement become flooded and ruined, her first floor also became flooded as well. Other people had 4-5 feet of water in their basement. Sure, insurance can cover it, but there is no insurance for lost memories. So for everyone who has been talking trash that this hurricane wasn't that bad, PLEASE, come through Lyndhurst, NJ and tell that to those who lost many memories and have damaged property.

Another thing that I was thankful for was this beaver that has been hanging around in front of the park close to my house. It has been hanging around there for a week and I was worried that maybe it would drown (yes, I know what you are thinking). Well, after the storm I went outside to see if it was still there and it was. It was still chowing down on whatever it found that has been keeping it there for a week. I decided to name her Irene. Yesterday I passed by the park and to my surprise there are now two beavers! They must be a pair or something because I saw them waddling close to each other, running, and hopping with each other. My big fear for them is they will wander too close to the street and a reckless driver will hit them :(

courtesy of ecosystemdiscovery.com

That is what I think they look like when no one is watching :3 I love animals. What can I say? =)

**********UPDATE**********

There is now a family of beavers in front of my house 

=)

Blogging is harder than I thought!

I always thought blogging would be cool and a great outlet, but when I have to be careful what I say, it gets boring and rather hard to do. Obviously, I haven't been blogging as much and its not because I have stuff to do (even though I do, but it doesn't consume every minute of my life) its because i KNOW no one is reading this.. YET. 

What made it want to blog today was watching the Anne Frank story (2009 movie). I take for granted that I have freedom of speech and I am not forced to write in a diary while secretly being locked away. Although, I have had MANY diaries... which can be read once I am dead and buried where my mother will never read them! I should be happy that I have the luxury to blog in peace. If a thirteen year old Jewish girl can tell a whole story through her diary while in the midst of the Nazi invasion, I should be able to keep up a blog.

SO HOW ABOUT THAT 6.0 (5.8) EARTHQUAKE, MY FELLOW AMERICANS?! For those who slept through the massive amount of newsfeed on your facebook, the news, and rattles, here is a link to catch you up. It came bad timing as well for me. I had to call the person whos supposed to do our newspaper layout at 2pm and that is when the earthquake happened. I was on my couch trying to show my mom how to use netflix when I feel the couch shaking to which I thought was my dog scratching himself behind the couch. Once I saw he wasn't behind me, mom staring at the shaking lamps, I quickly thought "stupid trucks outside are too heavy to be driving around here." I didn't see any trucks and then it dawned on me, "Holy $#!&, this is an earthquake!" I quickly ran to the doorway with mom and I was scared. I cannot even pretend I wasn't. I was trying to stay calm while on the inside... this is what I looked like:

courtesy of SodaHead.com

The animal was like the earthquake: no need to happen, foreign to the surroundings, and SCARY. My mother stayed calm and after it stopped I called my brother down in Princeton and he informed me he felt the same thing. After that call, I quickly called Chance (Le Boyfriend). He, being 6'3 and a MONSTER size polar bear of a man, said he felt nothing. Then once I calmed down my mother decided to let me know Ecuador has had its share of earthquakes. Both my parents immigrated to the Unites States over 25 years ago, I have never went to Ecuador to visit family. This was my first earthquake and I was still shaky. My little joke of the day was, "I am an American Citizen from New Jersey! I shouldn't have to deal with this shaking #$%!" (take offense all you want, everyone enjoyed my little crack). 

I was pretty trippy. I never thought I would ever be involved in an earthquake while living in NJ, but unless you were old enough through the 80's to remember anything, we did have one back then. I wasn't even born yet, but my parents said they did have one here.

Well, that was my blog for now, hopefully I can come up with something better later! :)

:3

Almost There

One more day of class, one more final paper, and then i can finally begin editing and begin my articles! I have to build my editorial team soon which means i need a managing editor. One of themselves perks is having half of your tuition covered by the school. I have two candidates in mind

, but sadly i can only choose one. My advisor told me to interview both of them, and my dad told ms to give it to the person who needs it the most. Which makes sense. I just suck at being a boss.... considering i have never been in a boss position! My oldest brother's birthday is coming up and he is turning 30. He is currently single. I let him know when men get older and are still single its not a bad thing; when a woman gets old and remains single its a sad thing. It got me to think why do people pressure women to get married? Personally, i dont want to get married. I dont see myself being married. Living together, yes. White wedding, big, white dress (fyi: i dont think God would like if i tried to lie. The jig is up!), everyone staring at me.... dont see it. I love Chance, my boyfriend, but I have already told him that I don't see marriage in my future, let alone children! Im awkward around kids, therefore, I feel like I will be weird around my own kids too! I don't want to have them n have them grow up to be messed up people or spoiled, so what is the ideal way to raise good people? Here we have Chance, his mom let him do as he wanted and grew up fine, no babies, no drugs, in school, aspiring to go places. On the other hand, my cousin was spoiled and she came out with 2 kids, hates school, crap job - she's only 24 and she hates her baby father. I was sheltered and I did my own mischief and I have no clue if I turned out okay! Im moving away from the topic. Why do people look down on women who do not get married? Why did I just judge my cousin for having two kids and no husband? I blame society. I blame them because they have brain washed us into believing women need to be married and then have kids. What about single mothers? Or lesbians? Why are they such threats to everyone? Think about it, you can married, come together in a home, share your things and space, you get tired or the person or one cheats, then you have to file divorce, lawyers, court dates, separation of property, moving out, finding a spot, EXCESSIVE money usage to pay all listed above and then you find out you spent more getting away from your spouse than your own wedding! And involve kids in the mix! Then the kid comes out fucked up in the head too! At least if things go sour in a live-in relationship without marriage, you can move out n that's that. The only money issue is finding your own place, in fact, you'll save more money because you cut your costs and stop paying for your partners meals! Just a thought...